Over Analyzing in a Relationship: How to Stop It

04.10.2018

People don’t live their lives serenely and without experiencing sadness, disappointment or grief. It is difficult to avoid situations that serve as a source of personal suffering, disappointments, tragedies, real or contrived. Events that bring negative emotions cause people, mentally returning to such events, to evaluate their actions, words, emotions. This is natural in human behavior until such experiences and negative thoughts become dominant. If this happens and negative thoughts don’t leave you day after day, it’s time to worry. Learn how to stop over analyzing everything.

Over analyzing disorder

The tendency to constantly analyze relations with others is one form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. The obsessive-compulsive disorder alters the people’s perception of the meaning of contact with others. They are prone to meticulously analyze every conversation or action, suspect other people of hidden thoughts and intentions, and evaluate their and other people’s words as stupid, harsh or offensive. It is very difficult to communicate with people who are suffering from OCD: they constantly find themselves offended, not having a real reason for that. In the presence of a syndrome of obsessive states, people are not able to adequately assess reality. They are haunted by numerous imaginary dangers (obsessions). To reduce over analyzing anxiety, they perform protective actions (compulsions) that serve as a kind of barrier between them and the aggressive world around.

A characteristic feature of OCD is the stereotype of obsessions and compulsions. This means that imaginary threats disturb people constantly and protective actions are ritual: repetitions of the same type of actions, a tendency to superstitions, annoyance when it is impossible to bring the usual actions to the end are seen in people’s behavior. Because of this condition, people often face such problems:

• They often wait for the best results. It is not so easy for them to give up their expectations. This doesn’t bring pleasure from life, they don’t feel happy, and the reality of the surrounding things may only disappoint them.
• They have mental disorders. Many scientists confirm that people with over analyzing disorder often suffer from mental disorders. When a person constantly analyzes something, it leads to frequent thoughts about life, death and the sense of their living. All this ends with depression in most cases.
• They treat problems harder. American scientists say that people with over analyzing disorder perceive ordinary everyday issues much more critical. They get used to constantly thinking about what happens in their lives and this is a direct way to chronic stress. They just don’t know how to stop overanalyzing everything.
• They don’t have enough sleep. The more people think about something, the later they go to sleep. Such a regime, as it is known, often leads to heart disease. Moreover, it is proved that people with over analyzing disorder are prone to bad habits such as alcohol addiction, etc.
• They don’t have close people and relationships. Such people feel discomfort about frequent contact with friends and loved ones. They are too concentrated on achieving their purposes and, therefore, quite easily refuse the opportunity to stay in touch with people they love. So, if you feel good being alone, this is great, but you shouldn’t isolate yourself from other people.

Over analyzing in relationships

As it was proved, over analyzing in relationships is widespread among women. There are many reasons for this: past negative experience, increased sensitivity and vulnerability, etc. All this, multiplied by a rich female imagination, can spoil, and sometimes even destroy, even the strongest relationships. Women’s fantasies often lead to insults, quarrels, and scandals. It’s not a secret that women are able to over analyze in almost any situation. Men are less sensitive by nature. For them, this behavior seems inadequate and sometimes offensive. No man will like a woman’s habit of over analyzing things and take offense at him for any reason. However, there are some men who behave the same way.

Most often, the reasons of over analyzing in relationships may be the following:

• Bad experience. In the past, one of the partners had a bad experience of a relationship, when he or she was offended and cheated. In this case, a person will be cautious about a new partner, fearing to repeat a mistake of blind trust.
• Inferiority complex or the feeling of insecurity. Often this perception of oneself is associated with childhood and it is not so simple to get rid of sensations. Such a person is not confident in own inferiority due to external factors, internal qualities or fictitious circumstances. It seems to such people that a loved one can break up a relationship at any moment, considering that there are many reasons for this.
• Fear of being alone. People, who don’t know how to stop overanalyzing, have the excessive suspicion that is associated with the fear of losing one’s partner. This feeling is so strong that a loved one constantly suffers from distrust.
• Bad behavior of another person. A partner can behave in such a way that another involuntarily begins to lose confidence in him or her. For example, a person can flirt with others without even hiding it. People often judge the behavior of others according to what they could afford. If a person is prone to intrigues and lies, then most likely, he/she will not trust a partner, accusing him or her of the same.
• Lack of knowledge in the field of relations. Another common reason for over analyzing in a relationship is the inability or lack of experience in harmonious relationships between partners. We are taught how to behave with a woman/man; parents taught us what it means to be a strong and caring significant other. But we are not taught how to show trust in each other, how to be confident in loved ones. But all this comes with experience. Gradually, couples learn to trust, let go and not experience painful emotions. So, people just have to learn how to stop over analyzing everything.

How to stop over analyzing

If you are one of those people who often over analyze in relationships, here are some tips on how to stop worrying and drive yourself crazy.

1. Understand that this will lead to nothing. Your experiences are inconclusive. It is unlikely that there will be the result. And this result will be deplorable – problems in a relationship and a big blow to your self-esteem. When you over analyze, you involuntarily set yourself up for a certain outcome. You invest all your energy so that everything goes as it should. And if something suddenly goes wrong, it is very confusing to you. So, first of all, stop worrying. This is how to stop over analyzing your relationship.

2. Set for yourself certain deadlines. Don’t panic ahead of time. For example, you started dating a woman, everything was fine, and then suddenly she didn’t write and call for a day or two, and you immediately started worrying. What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? Why do women always leave me? And that is all, you are sure that she will not return. However, maybe she is tired and just doesn’t have time for anything. In her mind, everything is fine and she tries to finish her project to see each other as soon as possible. But when you finally meet, even though you will feel relieved that she “returned”, you will be different. You can be tense and this can prevent you from continuing to enjoy dating. So, just set yourself a deadline – a framework when you can start worrying. Give yourself a setup: “I will not worry about it until a particular day” and try to free the mind from obsessive thoughts. This will help control your thoughts.

3. Be here and now. The main problem is that during your meeting, you are not completely there – you seem to be hovering in the clouds of your thoughts, trying to understand yourself. You think about your future, worry about whether a woman will be with you. Enough! Come down to earth, to her. Be here and now. You should enjoy meeting with her, strengthening your relationship. Don’t look for signs whether she likes you. If she is near you, then yes, she likes you. The more you think about your relationship and don’t do something for it, the less chances that your dreams will come true. So, please stop over analyzing your relationships.

4. Stop waiting. Don’t expect that a relationship will change, that everything will be different. Take everything as it is and enjoy it. When you wait, you focus on bad things and shortcomings.

5. Control your imagination. How often we come up with various fears imagining terrible and incorrigible consequences! Stop making a big deal out of everything. Start controlling your imagination. Remember, mistrust of your partner is a very strong barrier to building a harmonious relationship. Therefore, start dealing with overcoming your fears right now.

6. Look at the situation from a different angle. Answer to yourself the question: “Are there really good reasons for distrust or is it just your feelings and conjectures?” Understand your thoughts and emotions. Every time you catch yourself thinking about distrust of a partner, ask yourself: what is true and what is not? If the thoughts are confirmed by the facts, then you can decide on a change in your relationship or new arrangements in behavior. If not, then you will not begin to ruin your relationship.

7. Shift attention. Don’t know how to stop over analyzing your relationship? Psychologist’s advice: shift your attention and concentrate on something else. Being in the state of over analyzing, you should immediately switch your attention to other activities. For example, study the encyclopedia on biology or chemistry or watch an interesting film of cognitive themes, etc. Not always people are able to foresee their future. Some people imagine it beautiful, inviting, filled with pleasant meetings and surprises. For someone, the upcoming events take on a negative color. And instead of receiving joy from the life, they are looking for a way to over analyze.

People are used to worrying about trifles, thinking about past problems. If you consider yourself among the troubled personalities, learn to live peacefully, and don’t over analyze everything and everyone. Constant stress leads to a loss of a large amount of energy, resulting in a variety of diseases. Psychologists talk about the materiality of thoughts. If you constantly wait for trouble, they will come immediately. Having adjusted yourself positively to your relationships, you will attract only positive events, get rid of problems and failures. As soon as another wave of depression tries to overcome you, look at the current situation from a different angle.