Signs of a Pathological Liar in a Relationship

01.10.2018

Each of us often sincerely hopes that we do not have to hear lies. However, it is natural that such expectation is pure "illusion", because all of us somehow had to lie. No matter how insignificant is a lie, it does not change its essence. The essence of it, as indicated in the psychological dictionary, is the intentional distortion of the real state of things in order to mislead another person. And the more a person allows himself to say lies, the more it enters into his life, displacing the truth. However, here we should make a small observation: it is one thing to use lies consciously and to understand that what was said or done by us is really the use of lies, and it is another thing to lie, sincerely believing that lying is not a lie, it is "pure truth". Is it possible? The answer is yes! Maybe. A similar situation arises when a person encounters the so-called "pathological lie".

What is a pathological liar

What does pathological liar mean? A pathological liar is a psychological type of personality; a man who often lies, trying to impress others. In medical literature, this type of personality was first described more than 100 years ago. Some psychologists believe that pathological liars are different from ordinary liars in that a pathological liar is sure that he is telling the truth, and at the same time gets used to the role. Many, however, do not fully agree with this interpretation, but they agree that pathological lies are a special mental state. Although the definition of a pathological liar is not used in clinical diagnosis, most psychiatrists believe that this type of person is either the result of a psychiatric illness or a low self-esteem.

If you are a person for whom honesty, morals, decent behavior towards other people are of value and importance, then a close relationship with a pathological liar can become a nightmare that you have never experienced in your life and did not even think is possible. Such relationships will devastate you morally and emotionally, you may think that the end of the world has come and you do not know how to live further. The reason for this state will be the inconsistency of your reality with the world created by the pathological liar. You are used to a world where white is white, and black is black, and you are being persuaded that everything is the other way round.

How to spot a pathological liar

The onset of this disorder - i.e. the propensity of a person to pathological lies - psychologists attribute to a number of traumatic events that occurred to a person in childhood. This can be a constant humiliation and criticism from adults, lack of love from parents, an unrequited first love or rejection of the opposite sex, which leads to low self-esteem during adolescence. Sometimes the same disorder can occur even in adulthood after a traumatic brain injury. Also, researchers at the University of

Southern California have determined that the pathological lie has a physical justification. Their conclusion is that the brain of pathological liars differs from the norm: in its prefrontal cortex, the volume of gray matter (neurons) is reduced and the volume of white matter (nerve fibers connecting the brain regions) is increased by 22 percent. This part of the brain is connected with moral behavior, and with a sense of repentance. The gray matter consists of brain cells, and the white substance is a kind of "connecting wire" between them. The excess of white matter increases the ability of pathological liars to lie (it is much easier to do difficult work of fantasy) and weakens their moral restraint. Our morality and model of correct behavior for them is not necessary, although in childhood these people were taught that it is not good to lie, just like everyone else.

The manifestation of signs of a pathological liar differ. Spouses of some pathological liars note that these people lie for no reason and they lie about things that are small, unimportant. For example, they say that they did something yesterday, and not today, without any apparent reason or benefit. Psychologists say that pathological liars can believe, or they may not believe in their lies. People with a strong degree of illness believe in their own stories. They create around themselves a world that they need at the moment in a conversation with this interlocutor. Often, by switching to a new interlocutor, they create an entirely different world.

People with less severe signs of a pathological liar disease know that they lie, but believe that their lies do not harm anyone, so they do not understand why people around them take offense and turn away from them. On the contrary, lying helps them to raise their self-esteem in the eyes of others, that is, create of themselves not what they really are. Because often the reality of their own person and life are not satisfying to them, so they consider life of the imaginary world as a way out of the situation.

A pathological lie should be considered as part of a basic psychological personality disorder, rather than a separate defect. It should be noted that this disorder is one of the most controversial subjects in today's world of psychology. The consequences of hopeless lies can be the most unpredictable, both for the victim of deception, and for the liar himself. Besides using untruth, there are certain things that pathological liars tend to do consciously and unconsciously. If you can recognize these "symptoms", then it will not be difficult to expose a liar.

Pathological liar traits

What are the common pathological liar signs? Characteristics of a pathological liar are the following:

• Exaggerating their arguments to give them a truthful appearance, a liar can reach the extreme when statements become ridiculous. The most remarkable thing is that often he does not notice the exaggerated degree of his statements.
• A pathological liar likes to be the center of attention, so he will, without hesitation, carry an even more unthinkable nonsense in order to maintain interest in his person.
• While an ordinary person, when dealing with unfamiliar people, may find it difficult to maintain a prolonged eye contact, the liar will accomplish this with ease.
• The tendency to lie is born at a young age, as the years go by, it becomes more difficult for a person to tell the truth.
• Pathological lies are difficult to control. An attentive observer will notice that the same story from the mouth of a liar changes from time to time.
• One of the most obvious pathological liar signs. If you try to recheck facts through questions, the pathological liar will immediately take a defensive position or attempt to change the subject of the conversation.
• Pathological liars are extremely impulsive, they always act "here and now", so the reproduced lies are sufficiently inconsistent.
• In general, liars believe that they are always right, while others are wrong, and it is this unshakable belief in their own rightness that pulls them to the very bottom. They will object with fierce persistence to the obvious.

Those were the characteristics of a pathological liar, but how do you deal with such a person, or even date one?

Dating a pathological liar

Experts say that pathological liars are most often people who, in their childhood, suffered greatly from lack of love, cruel criticism from adults. At one time (in childhood), such a person resisted the realities of life, and the fragile psyche of a child at that age created an imaginary, illusory world for himself. In such a "world" the child has everything for what he can be loved... But, at the same time, growing up, such a child often cannot understand (distinguish) a lie from his (or someone else's) fiction and, accordingly, begins to protect the world from any invasion of reality.

How to deal with a pathological liar? Well, first off, don’t. It is important to be able to notice such a "liar" to protect yourself, your family, acquaintances from cruel disappointment in general in people - and it is best to stay away from such people. Dealing with a pathological liar is stressing and potentially dangerous. Do not definitely succumb to the charm of such "liars", and do not even try to play a role of the so-called "savior." Of course, the easiest way to do this is if such a person - "liar" was among not very close acquaintances, relatives. And if such a person - a "liar" is a close friend, a good acquaintance or even worse, a relative, maybe you are married to a pathological liar, the first step to solving such a problem should be his own recognition. But how to help a pathological liar? Can a pathological liar change at all?

It is best to face the truth, and already from this understanding, you can plan and make the following life steps. In such cases, with such people, it is necessary to count on the professional help of a good psychologist or even a psychiatrist. But it is important to remember that the success of such therapy will depend entirely on how much the person himself wants such healing, whether the person has a desire to get rid of this "ailment", how much of it is conscious. Of course, this is all rather difficult. After all, pathological liars, as a rule, will never admit their wrongfulness.

But, nevertheless, there is another option to get rid of such a diagnosis as a "pathological liar" - this is, first of all, to accept lying, but in any case, do not justify it. Do not even try to expose the liar - such a scenario in life will lead to nothing good. At best, the result will be this: a person will justify himself from his "lies", and maybe even blame the person who really wants to help him and, most likely, will take offense at the person because he does not trust him. There are often situations where a "liar" even resorts to hysterics about this, proves that the person himself is lying to him and wants to do something bad... In such situations it is best to perceive all that is said by a "liar" as a "fairy tale", while it is important to understand that all the words of such a "liar" are nothing more than his own imagination. And, as usual, people say that all of his statements should be divided by ten.

With such "liars", of course, it is difficult both in communication and in life in general. Dating a pathological liar is pure pain. It is important to remember that you should not come into contact with such people if there is no need for this, or just "say hello" and go boldly, directly on your route. After all, maintaining your health (nerves) is important for every person, and everything else ... is not so important.