Stop Being Shy Around Girls with This Useful Guide


How many opportunities were missed due to the sudden attacks of shyness! All people who describe themselves as shy would like to get rid of this trait. Although it’s considered to be a positive trait, it’s quite disturbing, especially if it’s male shyness. Why are people shy? Let’s find out.

why are people shy

The Psychology Behind Shyness

Why am I so shy? Some people ask this question in certain social situations, while some have this question on their mind all the time. Although shyness is not a psychological problem, but rather a natural defensive reaction, it’s a real obstacle when it comes to making friends, interacting with strangers, and meeting romantic partners. Shyness is caused by the potential threat of not being accepted by society or a particular group of people. It’s similar to how our bodies react to the potential physical threat: adrenaline rush, sweaty palms, nervousness. The same as we don’t want to enter a dark room that can hide different dangers, we don’t want to go to a party and meet strangers, because both situations pose some kind of threat. In the first case, there is the fear of being hurt physically, in the second one – emotionally.

A shy person is in a constant process of weighing the pros and cons of an upcoming interaction. On the one hand, they realize that people are social creatures and communication is something very natural for them. And they really want to socialize, because establishing contacts with other people is good. On the other hand, they are afraid this will be an embarrassing experience and they will regret it. After considering all potential benefits and risks, the scale with risks usually outweighs and a shy person decides to avoid a social situation or enters one but takes the minimal part in it.

What causes people to be shy? Among the reasons why people are shy in communication, the main one lies in the fear of not being understood and accepted. This manner of behavior is often perceived as modesty, self-control or good manners, but these qualities can be not found behind the mask of shyness.

There are two types of shyness: outward (when a person is afraid of revealing one’s true individuality in one’s social environment, expects criticism or approval from others) and inward (when a person feels shy with oneself because of low self-esteem, the feeling of shame, and inadequate self-perception).

Shyness is formed in early childhood. Children observe and copy the behavior of their parents. If parents are not very sociable and demonstrate their shyness during social situations, a child will behave in the same way. Usually, shyness is imparted by the style of upbringing. If a child is constantly criticized for showing the initiative, pointed at their shortcomings, odds are this child will grow shy. All this results in person’s inability to establish social contacts, which in its turn leads to the worse relations with peers and aggravation of shyness.

what causes people to be shyHave you ever wondered, “Why am I so shy around people?” after some period of lack of socializing? This question is being asked by many people nowadays. Spending less time on face to face communication and communicating via different messengers and social media, people get more isolated. It’s a proven fact. Technology promotes social awkwardness when it comes to real communication. Social skills need practice, so when you interact less, you lose that skill and develop shyness.

Fortunately, shyness is not a permanent trait of character. It’s a special pattern of reaction, a way of thinking, a habit that has appeared to be very convenient in some situations. It means that it’s possible to inhibit it if you put enough effort. For example, if shyness takes over you particularly when you approach or talk with women, you can read relevant literature on this topic, take some courses, get some advice from a pickup artist, etc.

Very often, people get shy because of the stereotypical thought: “what will other people think of me?” This thought is very poisonous. It paralyzes person’s body, fetters one’s consciousness, preventing a person from making the on the spot decisions which are necessary there and then. You picture the reaction of others in your head. And this very picture you have in your mind, not the real response of people, is the cause of your shyness and indecisiveness. So, what you need to do is to get rid of this stereotype. Shyness goes hand in hand with the lack of confidence. In order to fight shyness, you need to boost your confidence first. Even if you pretend to be confident, you’ll feel more liberated and bold, and this will shatter your shyness and push you towards interaction and showing the initiative.

Who is more prone to shyness, men or women? It affects both genders. But it has more serious consequences for men because they are supposed to be open, assertive, and confident. Shyness is never masculine and sexy. It can prevent a man from success both in professional and private life. Women look for strong and reliable partners who are not afraid to approach and conquer them. When it comes to approaching women, even confident guys can get timid and indecisive. If a man is into a particular woman, he can feel really nervous and anxious talking to her. However, his shyness can prevent him even from walking up to her.

If a man acknowledges his shyness, he will often think that he can’t be competitive with other guys, who are more confident and sociable. He will also be haunted by a thought that he is not attractive. These are mere excuses dictated by his shyness. The best way out is getting rid of shyness or minimizing its effect on your interaction with other people, especially potential romantic partners.

How to Stop Being Shy Around Girls

Since shyness is just the wrong pattern of thinking, all you need to do is to change it. First, try to figure out what caused your shyness. Look for the answer in your past, in your childhood probably. Let go of that situation and realize that you’re an adult man who can control his reactions and emotions.

As it was mentioned earlier, shy men prevent themselves from getting a romantic partner. An interesting fact: shyness can overwhelm a pretty sociable guy in the face of a beautiful woman whom he really likes. There is even a separate type of shyness called love-shyness. A man feels shy in terms of love when he:

  • Thinks that a woman he likes is better than him
  • His previous relationships with women were failures
  • Communicates mostly with guys, so he has little experience in making a conversation with women
  • Doesn’t know what to talk about with a girl
  • Fears to be rejected

Every shy guy wants to know how to stop being a shy guy. If they could command themselves: do not be shy! – and their bodies responded, that would be the best superpower for them. But you are only a human, so you should gather your will and start improving yourself. Check out the tips on not being shy.

Accept yourself

Don’t think that you are the only shy man on earth. 99% of people have ever felt shy in some situations, and 46% describe themselves as shy. This is a quite popular trait of character, isn’t it? It’s a normal reaction of your body when you deal with strangers. The important thing is that you should learn to tame your shyness when it’s needed.

Start with basics

How to stop being shy around people? Since you’re afraid that people won’t accept you because of your appearance, or your words, or the way you breathe, eliminate at least one of those possibilities by improving your looks for starters. Generally, people are focused on themselves, so they will not give a damn about your appearance. But you’re going to interact with some people and establish bonds with them, so the necessary minimum you can do is to look perfectly neat. You do it to feel more confident. You’ll know that you’re well-groomed, your clothes are clean and well-matched, and your perfume is nice. This will already boost your confidence and you’ll know that your appearance is not off-putting. Just the contrary.

ways to stop being shyMeet new people

One of the ways to stop being shy is to leave your comfort zone and start meeting new people. This is how you’ll improve your social skills and overcome anxiety. Start conversations with strangers on public transport, in the queues, at your gym, initiate small talks with co-workers. Talk to women and men. Approach those people who seem nice to you. If your final aim is to feel comfortable talking to women, you should develop your conversational skill in general. It’s not enough to read special literature on how to stop being shy and quiet. It’s important to do something to overcome this trait.

Resort to auto-training

This way of battling shyness is absolutely harmless but very effective. Auto-training is a technique based on autosuggestion and hypnosis. The aim is to boost one’s confidence using one’s own resources. If you suffer from shyness, then most probably you’ve already resorted to negative auto-training thinking: “I’m not attractive. No one is looking at me.” You can use it with the opposite purpose, that of becoming more shyness-free. For this, make the phrases like “I’m handsome”, “I’m open”, “Women like me” constantly be on your mind. You can listen to the auto-training tracks or just set inspiring wallpapers on your laptop and phone screens.

Maintain an eye-contact

Many people don’t manage to establish the acquaintance because they are afraid of making an eye-contact with their interlocutor. Just imagine the situation: you liked a woman and decided to approach her. When you started a conversation you didn’t know where to direct your eyes, so you looked anywhere except her eyes. It’s quite weird to talk with a person who doesn’t look at you. Get rid of the fear of looking people in the eyes. Ask your friend or sibling to help you practice it. You can do it in the street, catching the glances of the passers-by. Gradually, you’ll feel more comfortable maintaining an eye-contact.

Don’t be focused on yourself

Once you feel that shyness is attacking you, stop concentrating on your nervousness and whether it’s noticeable. You already know that this is just a natural reaction of your body to a potential threat. In fact, there is no threat, so just direct your inner powers to communication with your interlocutor.

How to stop being shy during sex

Usually, shyness in bed is typical of women. They are very conscious of their appearance. However, if a man is a bit overweight, he may feel shy because of it. Some men are concerned about their beer belly and try to hide it during sex. It looks really awkward, so relax and if you know that your girlfriend is okay with your constitution, be yourself. However, consider joining a gym to get the body you wish to have.

How to stop being shy around my crush? Shyness is a normal reaction when you see a person you are in love with. The important thing is not to let it prevent you from making the first move. Hope the tips in the article will really help you overcome your shyness.

Comments (1)
This is my problem. It may be a complex or a bad experience... I don't know what affects my behavior. But I always blush, worry, my hands shake when I'm with a girl.
13.02.2020 15:12
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