10 Behaviors that Kill Relationships

22.12.2017

At the beginning of a relationship, the feeling of love doesn’t allow you to objectively look at the world, and your soul mate seems the best person on the whole Earth. And quite often people behave wrong in relationships. Not noticing these moments in yourself or in your partner from the very beginning of a relationship, you risk losing it all. So, what are the wrong behaviors that kill relationships?

Behaviors that ruin relationships: how to avoid problems

1. Self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships

Wrong: To keep silent

Sometimes it happens that one of the partners is dissatisfied with something but prefers to remain silent so as not to upset his or her loved one. Why are people afraid to resolve conflicts? After all, they often just run away from solving the problem, considering it necessary just to “hide their heads in the sand”! They are afraid to resolve the situation and say goodbye to it. This is the very common behavior of people in relationships. The result of this behavior will be the accumulation of problems because they will not resolve by themselves. Sooner or later all controversial issues will be announced, but it will be impossible to change anything.

Right: To discuss all the problems

The unresolved problem is able to come back with the scale of the catastrophe for your love. Try to discuss dissatisfaction and resolve conflict situations when they arise. And then you will not have to “scoop out” a ton of dirt that can accumulate during your silence. It is better to immediately discuss all the issues that arise in a calm form and there should be the desire for constructive dialogue. Any discussion provides an opportunity to get closer and learn to understand each other. Silence and patience provoke a growing discontent in the soul of one of the partners.

2. Demeaning behavior in a relationship

Wrong: To humiliate

Many men and women continue to poison the life of companions of life with claims. There is a reasonable question: why it is bad if the claim has the bases under itself? The answer for you is that sometimes the reproaches are not constructive. In fact, it’s always humiliation. In a reproach, you just tell a partner that he or she is bad. It is unlikely that there is at least one person who agrees with this!

Right: To be more polite

Talk about everything that bothers you, in the form of an “I-message”: I think, I feel, I would like, etc. When you voice your thoughts in this form, your partner will not have the desire to defend oneself. In addition, it is desirable to offer solutions to the problem: “I would like to...”, “I would be calmer if ...”, and so on.

3. Disrespectful relationship behavior

Wrong: To compare your relationships with someone else’s

A common reason for dissatisfaction with existing relationships is some comparison with others. Doing so, you show your disrespect because you don’t accept your partner as he or she is. Often, we unconsciously take for a model not even a real relationship, but the plot of a novel or movie. But even if you compare your relationships with relationships of real people, there is a significant probability of idealizing how they relate to each other (simply because people prefer to share achievements, not defeats).

Right: To build your own relationships

Accept the partner as he or she is, with all shortcomings. After all, if your partner was so bad, you would hardly have dated him or her, let alone live. Also, forget about all the romances of nonexistent heroes – we, unfortunately or fortunately, are not heroes of books. We are people with our own characteristics. Be critical of other stories. If a friend, a colleague, a former classmate tells you about his or her perfect romance, don’t rush to envy and reproach your partner that he or she is not that good because you never know exactly what is going on in their relationships.

4. Unacceptable behavior in a relationship

Wrong: To tell everything to friends

Any close relationship necessarily has its secrets. If you let other people into your personal world, even if it seems completely innocuous, it can destroy the sense of trust your partner has to you and your relationship. If your partner finds out about this, he or she may experience a feeling of betrayal or even humiliation. Yes, a look at the relationship from the side is often useful: it allows you to see those things that you don’t notice. But be careful! They are often even more biased than your own. If you regularly share experiences with your friends, they may have a feeling that the relationship brings you only discomfort. Thus, you will get the corresponding advice.

Right: Not to tell everything in details

The best solution is not to share personal details with friends. But sometimes it’s just impossible to remain silent! Well, in this case, try to soberly evaluate other people’s advice and make a decision by yourself.

5. Controlling behaviors relationships

Wrong: To control everything

One of the most common causes of breakups is the lack of trust. It can be justified (when a partner has already given you a reason to doubt) and groundless. However, the partnership assumes that both feel calm and confident that another person doesn’t cheat, deceive or hurt. If this feeling doesn’t exist for some reason, then a relationship is doomed.

Right: Learn to trust

How trite it is, but you have to learn to trust. Don’t be jealous without an excuse (or, at least, don’t offend the partner’s jealousy). On the other hand, don’t be deceived: if a person cheated on you once, the probability of repetition of this sad experience is quite high.

6. Destructive behaviors in relationships

Wrong: To blame a partner for everything

There are conflicts even in the most cloudless relationships. If both partners are self-critical enough, sooner or later one of them will recognize own fault and they both will move further. But there are people who are categorically incapable of appropriating their mistakes so that any guilt is unbearable for them. When you are wrong and don’t recognize this, a partner not only doesn’t receive satisfaction for the damage, he or she also has to constantly be guilty. In such a relationship, a partner has to constantly bear all the blame for the two, but does he or she need it?

Right: To be able to admit mistakes

The ability to admit mistakes is one of the best traits. To understand the problem, you need to sit down and talk about what’s bothering. Thus, you show respect for your partner and that you care about the relationship you have.

7. Passive-aggressive behaviors in relationships

Wrong: To take it out on a partner without any reason

There arise a lot of situations in a relationship in which partners behave passively-aggressively. For example, when one of them “forgets” to do something that he or she shouldn’t forget, or agrees with something that a partner doesn’t support. The list of similar situations is really infinite. You may think that it is better not to deny the request directly or not to express disagreement with what a partner says. But again, without letting him or her know what you are feeling, you are closing the communication channel.

Right: To think about a partner’s needs

Of course, not all passive-aggressive reactions occur consciously. For example, you forgot to help your partner with something, for example, to set an alarm as your partner asked. And you did it only because you would prefer to sleep longer, rather than jump in with the first rays of the sun. On the other hand, this may mean that you are upset by the reason that your partner should get up so early. If you begin to behave in this way, although it is not typical of you, then you should openly discuss what really bothers you.

8. Alcoholic behaviors in relationships

Wrong: To ignore the problems of a partner

Everyone in life faces complex tasks, for example, loss of work, health problems, fights with harmful habits, etc. If we are talking about alcohol, then most likely you know the behavior of an alcoholic in a relationship. There are constant mood changes, unwillingness to get rid of the problem, and many other problems. But it can’t be ignored if you love this person.

Right: To support a partner

At such a difficult time, your partner needs your support and encouragement, although this may be a period of high stress for you. Nobody says that you need to hide your anxiety in such moments and pretend to be an unfading optimist. It is more important than ever that you are near and give your partner the opportunity to feel that he or she can overcome this difficult time. Your confidence and support will not only reduce the feelings of your partner to you but help him or her to overcome the problem situation.

9. Addictive behaviors in relationships

Wrong: To be together all the time

Constantly addictive people often become so intrusive and dependent that it can push away their partners who can’t bear the excessive need for feelings.

Right: Learn to spend time with someone else

After you have reached a conscious willingness to devote yourself to each other, you don’t need to constantly ask your loved one if your relationship is really important to him or her. As positive manifestations can be considered those cases when your partner doesn’t forget to call or text you, treats you courteously, tries to please you, etc. Also, it can be some other manifestations that are specific to your couple. All this should help you reduce anxiety about your relationship.

10. Condescending behavior in a relationship

Wrong: To perceive your partner as a given, underestimating his or her role in your life

When relationships become mature, people often begin to think that the usual benefits of life remain with them forever. In some sense, this is normal and appropriate, it even helps build relationships. However, it is worth considering from time to time what your life would be without your partner. How would this affect your daily existence, general well-being, your thoughts and happiness in the future?

Right: To be thankful

As soon as you try to imagine yourself without your man or your woman, this may encourage you to show a little more attention, interest, and concern for him or her, even for a moment. It’s very easy to disrespect those closest to you because they, as it seems, can’t go anywhere. But in this case, your partner can easily start looking for someone else who can give him/her more attention than you.

We all make mistakes and stumble, but we should try to avoid making those mistakes in a relationship that can lead to its end. A combination of many small things can create huge problems and irreparable mistakes. Love, understand and accept each other. And sometimes mentally change places and ask yourself the question: what would happen if I heard/got the same from him or her? And then, mistakes and wrong behavior of men and women in relationships will be avoided.