Dealing with Trust Issues in a Relationship

30.04.2018

Different people have their own image of a perfect relationship. Men and women hope and believe that only ideal relationship will bring them long-awaited happiness and relief. However, no so many people know how to build at least a healthy relationship, not to mention a perfect one. They don’t realize the key moment that trust issues prevent them from building a good, reliable and long-termed relationship. It prevents people from being happy. When there is distrust between people in the relationship, it bugs both partners. And if people do not learn to trust each other, and most importantly, to honor the each other's trust, their relationships will not last long. Everyone should know how to deal with trust issues and insecurities in advance and avoid further complication of the situation.

Why do I have trust issues?

Everyone’s had to face trust issues in a relationship. You have already heard many times, "Everybody lies, and no one can be trusted." So, trust is definitely of some value. Trust is the foundation on which you can build productive healthy relationships, and which determines the opportunity to be happy in many ways. Therefore, communicating, people draw attention to the sincerity and honesty of the interlocutor. This is a mechanism for assessing the future of a relationship at the level of trust. The more a person can trust, the less they feel vulnerable and do not feel threatened, the more they are emotionally stable and less anxious. What are the root causes of trust issues psychology?

Childhood. Being a child, a person did not receive a motherly care of proper quality. The fact is that the foundation of self-confidence and trust is laid in the first years of the kid's life. If the mother doesn't give the child due attention during this period, the level of confidence will be subsequently low. In addition, at an older age, psychological development is influenced by factors such as the parents' lack of confidence in their educational abilities, the contrast in the method of upbringing, the difference between cultures and the ways of life of parents, and so on. All these things become a guarantee that the child has a fear for their well-being in the future and cannot trust anyone. These tendencies will only increase with age.

Upbringing. If the upbringing is based on reproaches, focusing on the shortcomings of the child, it will also become a reason for mistrust and a general isolation of the person. Most of the problems originate from childhood, and this one is no an exception. Unfortunately, many parents who are busy with the need to earn money forget that upbringing is not only beautiful things, a good school, and proper nutrition. Children who are left to themselves face challenges communicating with peers and older friends. Their childhood dreams, kindness, and openness are gradually replaced by mistrust, an expectation of a dirty trick from others. Childish grievances always express themselves in adult life.

Jealousy and fear of losing a partner. Fear of loneliness and jealousy provoke the appearance of excessive suspicion towards the partner. Some people start sending a lot of messages during the day, call unexpectedly and check the phone in order to confirm suspicions or prevent the breakup.

Specifics of the occupation. It has long been known that job leaves an imprint on the person’s individuality. In many cases, the effect is negative. For example, law enforcement officials, security guards as well as scouts do not trust the surrounding people even in everyday life, they wait for the other shoe to drop everywhere and check the incoming information several times.

Experienced psychological shock. It’s about certain situations when people were cheated on or disappointed by close people or simply by others, even if they do not remember such moments. A divorce can become the root cause of a psychological wound and relationships trust issues. It happens when one of the partners believed that everything was fine in the family, and the second one fell in love with the new person and decided to break up. Creating a new family becomes very problematic after such loss of trust.

Fear of their own vulnerability. This feeling also makes a person keep their eyes peeled. Usually, people who have low self-esteem and who are quiet and calm in life fall under the category.

Desire to show themselves from the best side. Some people want to seem better and more successful than they really are. In this case, there is an effect of two sides of the same coin. A person willingly shows one side of their personality and makes every effort to hide another side, they are afraid that someone will find out about it. This fear generates additional suspicion and a sense of distrust towards people, and it is the cause of trust issues in a relationship.

Signs of trust issues

In order to understand how to get over trust issues, it is necessary to find out how serious the situation is and how many signs of trust issues are present in your life. There are several key moments.

1. You find yourself spying on your partner. Many people have done that but tracking your partner's messages and monitoring accounts on social networks are one of the first and most obvious signs that trust in your relationship is not the same as before.

2. You feel uncomfortable. You do not know the reason, but you just feel a little restless, being close to your partner, and your anxiety grows every time they go somewhere with their friends or go on a business trip.

3. It's hard for you to believe in some things. It seems that your partner constantly has some thoughtful stories and justifications for everything. Over time, their stories become more and more embellished and can make any writer envy.

4. You feel anxious. Every time when your partner is out your vision and does something without you, you feel anxiety for some reason, and you cannot control it. Your thoughts are full of questions about what they do and where they are.

5. You believe the rumors. It seems that rumors are always in the air around your partner like a bad smell, and you cannot forget about them, no matter how hard you try. Putting negative information into the depths of your mind is not the best way out.

6. Your partner has distanced themselves, and you need answers. Although your partner is close to you physically, their thoughts are in another place, and they will never want to share these thoughts with you. This withdraw behavior gives rise to issues.

7. Your partner is an active Internet user. If your partner suddenly becomes active on social networks, and you constantly worry and check the time of their last visit, then you have problems, and you should find out how to fix trust issues.

8. You feel that something is wrong. Deep down, you know that there is something wrong with your relationship, and even if you do not want to admit it, you know that your anxiety is just another confirmation of your trust issues. However, you should understand that dating someone with trust issues is not the easiest task. The sooner you deal with it, the better.

How to fix trust issues in a relationship?

Many marriage counselors, divorce attorneys, and private detectives can tell you that trust issues are a consistent phenomenon. Trust issues can be based on facts and data, or they can be the result of an assumption and a feeling. Communication is the only way to learn to trust your spouse or to find out whether it is possible, in principle.

Analyze the reason. What to do when you have trust issues? Trust is a very complicated thing, which is based on actions. It is extremely difficult to deal with trust issues. The first thing you should do is to analyze the reason for your mistrust. Is this just a resentment or, perhaps, discontent with the relationship as a whole? Do your trust issues arise from a lack of self-esteem, or you know that your loved one has cheated on you?

Make a hard choice. How to deal with trust issues? If you want to solve this problem and try to restore your confidence, you shouldn’t keep silence. In most cases, distrust is based on treachery, which has its roots in lies, money, or infidelity. The road back will be difficult, and there is no guarantee that you will reach your destination. In any case, if you discuss this problem with a partner, you have better chances to solve it than if you leave it in the shadows.

Leave enough time to resolve disagreements. If you try to stop your partner on the way to work or call them at lunchtime, then there is a great chance to remain dissatisfied and unrecognized due to lack of time. If this is really important, then agree on a time when you can discuss the matter. Your attention to the partner's personal time will give you a certain credit of trust, which the person will show when discussing the problem.

Believe only in the real facts. It is impossible to know exactly what is happening until you listen to your partner. Do not try to imagine what they are thinking about, just ask about it directly, dealing with trust issues. This will help you avoid troubles and the huge misconceptions as well as wasted time, which can be spent on a conversation.

Apologize if it’s your fault. Do not hesitate to do that and do not try to blame someone else. If you have broken a promise, said or done something wrong, an apology or compensation depends only on you. You will feel better, being honest, and the partner will also learn to trust you, knowing your sense of responsibility.

Do not sort out arguments in front of friends and family. You automatically alert the partner when you discuss your problems in front of other people. In addition, disagreement becomes public knowledge instead of being a personal problem. Agree in advance that you will talk about what’s happened in private.

How to help someone with trust issues?

1. The first step on the road to trust is attention to the person. However, do not overdo it, just write to them every day and wonder how they are doing. When you help with overcoming trust issues, show your sincere interest in the person.
2. The second step is to open yourself to the person, telling stories from childhood, sharing some thoughts and experiences. When a person sees that you trust them, they will also try to somehow open themselves to you.
3. The third step is to support. Most likely, this person has heard many times a lot of bad things against them, and that’s why they stopped trusting people. Support is very important to them in many cases. It is never difficult to say a couple of warm words so that a person begins to believe in themselves, especially if you are in love with the person.

If it doesn’t help, try to convince the person to seek help from the specialists. A skilled psychologist will help find the root causes and sort out the issues. The problem can only worsen without this help because irritability will only grow.