How to End an Argument with Your Girlfriend
30.04.2020
Arguments are inevitable in every relationship. But do they always end right? No! of course, sometimes things go south, and now you don’t know how to stop. Have you ever encountered a situation where your fight took a wrong turn, so now your girlfriend is crying in the corner, and you’re sitting all aggravated? This probably happened to everyone. But why does it end like that all the time? It seems to me that someone doesn’t know when to end an argument. Remember that we have any forms of heated discussion to drop off the emotional bomb or resolve a situation for that matter, not prove who’s right and who’s wrong. Some couples fight tooth and nail to emotionally suppress the opposing side. That might make you a king of the hill, but not teach you how to end an argument with your girlfriend.
Main Types of Arguments in Relationships
Before learning how to stop relationship arguments let’s see what the prevalent types of arguments in relationships are and why we love them so much. Sometimes a squabble is the only option when pointing at your significant other’s mistakes. But at other times, we don’t even recall why the fight started. Here are the types of arguments everybody knows.
1. Constructive argument
It’s the most mature and safe type of argument where the reason is to resolve an underlying issue. The conflict emerges when both parties are having problems that are detrimental to the relationship. Since both partners don’t want to lose each other because of a mere misunderstanding, they try to solve the issue like adults, as they should do. There is always a point and a conclusion in these sorts of fights. Also, both sides try neither insult each other nor get personal, speaking firmly, but without cunning intentions. This way, no one will be disappointed or offended, even if the conversation doesn't go as planned.
2. Emotional fight
This is the type of fight every couple that has too much passion in relationships experienced. It usually starts from a ridiculous statement or a small misunderstanding and quickly escalates into the hurricane of emotions. Partners cry, they show an unhealthy amount of madness, hysteria. Sometimes they go as far as physically fighting and breaking furniture, destroying each other’s possessions and insulting each other. The worst thing about the emotional fight is its impulsivity. Since you don’t know what the reason to fight was, you won’t know where it can take you two. The best-case scenario will be friendly hugs or makeup sex, but at the least favorable case, partners get divorced, move away from each other or say things they didn’t mean to.
3. Deconstructive criticism
This is the most toxic and destructive type of fight that will mess you up in the head in the long run. Not every couple understands they use words as swords, pinpointing at each other’s flaw to make another person less happy and more insecure. Sometimes it’s the quickest way to boost your ego, but these deeds never make you a good person. While impulsive fights don’t damage a relationship emotionally, deconstructive criticism brings a lot of self-doubts and second-guessing whether the person you’re dealing with truly loves you.
8 Ways How to End an Argument With Your Girlfriend
If you don’t want to continue this couple's fighting mess and learn how to be an elevated human being, some research needs to be done. What is your favorite type of insults? A quick jab or long and painful rambling? Remember, if you want to visit a site to meet single ladies or date in real life ever again, you’ll have to learn some basic rules on how to get over fights in relationships.
1. Always have a point
If you know that you have come with a certain inquiry, you have fewer chances to turn into an aggressive and mean human. Most of the time, couples don’t even remember why they started to fight, jumping from one accusation into the other. But if you go from a point A to B, nobody will sweep you off your feet. Remember that if your girlfriend starts talking about unrelated topics, it’s time to pause and point at not following a plan. Yes, having a plan is important even if you’re fighting.
2. Always talk about your triggers
Healthy couples talk about stop words at the beginning of their relationship. We all have weaknesses, so try not to press on those when the time is convenient. Talking about her not doing the dishes would be reasonable. But if you want to power it up with a rant about her weight, you might cross the border very soon. Everyone has some things they don’t want to hear. So if you talk about your stop signs before the fights (bringing up certain mistakes, criticizing appearance or insulting the family), you won’t expect any crazy statements that will for sure deeply offend someone in the end.
3. Don’t fight for the sake of fighting
Some couples think of winning a debate as of the only reasonable outcome. They will pull out most ridiculous old stories, find years-old screenshots and Google every statement just to be “the smart pants” person in the room. But does your feeling of triumph compare to an upset girlfriend who’s not talking to you? I don’t think so. In those heated moments, we can’t even trace when a passionate conversation turns into an aggressive fight.
4. If you see there are no benefits to this fight, leave it
Abort the mission. Seriously, if your girl doesn't stop rambling, why not be a smarter person and just admit your false point of view to save a couple of peaceful hours in your life? Sure, it would tremendously hurt one’s ego to surrender when they feel right. But at the end of the day, wouldn’t it be more pleasant if both of you could just apologize and watch a movie?
5. Don’t interrupt the speaker
Take turns. When you see it’s not your turn, keep silent. Most of the fights have the same scenario: one person speaks, while the other is jumping around impatiently, waiting to have a word. What’s the reason for discussions if both parties are not interested in hearing each other out? If you have something to say, record it on your phone or scream it into the pillow. But why disrespecting another person, butting into every sentence they say? All in all, the debate is art too.
6. Agree to disagree
Start with, “Baby, I completely understand your point.” Let the girl see her feelings are valuable and acknowledged. Be the one human being who listens and appreciates her originality. Everyone thinks differently. It is okay to have fights. They will go away, and your life will continue. So why lashing out in a heated conversation when you can tone it down just a little bit? All it takes is some self-control to fix any situation.
7. Count to ten
It sounds like a ridiculous cliché from the nineties, but most psychologists still recommend this lifehack when talking to people about some unfavorable stuff. Do you want to call her a ditz after one minute of deep breathing? Filtering your thoughts will make you understand how many things we say in a heated moment. If it’s a text argument, go to sleep aggravated, and wake up with a feeling of relief. Chances are, you won’t want to say half the insults you intended to spill last night.
8. Apologize for hurting her and tell her how you feel
At the end of the day, every girl just wants to be comforted and hear how much you love her. That’s all it takes to end a heated conversation. And even if she stands her ground, after these words, the talk you’ll have from now on will be milder and more thoughtful. All in all, who wants to be mean after hearing they’re loved? If you want to end a fight, share how you feel, not the point you’re trying to pursue. Say, “Listen, baby. I am just scared to lose you and concerned that our relationship will crumble in pieces. I wouldn’t want it in a million years.” First, it’s the truth. Second, isn’t fear a primary instinct that causes people to fight and defend themselves? She will appreciate your honesty any day. Don’t be scared to appear sobby and mushy. It’s still better than being aggressive and stubborn with each other.
Tips on How to Fight Less in a Relationship and Make Arguments Healthy
1. Write down any reoccurring pattern, don’t bottle up emotions
Do your fights have a theme? Because if so, you might want to avoid a topic or, what’s better, resolve it once and for all. If something you always get down to is someone’s disorganization or financial problems, try to consult that problem first. If you can’t, visit a family therapist to resolve your issue.
2. Make promises and keep them
Many conflicts stem from unkept promises. The more vows you’ve broken, the more annoying it will be to stumble across the same problem later on. If you want to learn the rules of argument in a relationship, learn how to respect each other first. If you see that your forgetfulness deeply hurts your partner, do everything not to bring them down anymore. You don’t intentionally forget about yourself, do you?
3. Have rituals and schedules
Many fights stem from your disorganization as a couple. If you want to learn how to stop fighting in your relationship, do things that are out of the question. If one of you didn’t make the bed, making it should be the first step to keep balance. Another one, however, should learn not to nag if you are slightly behind your schedule, and give direction in a friendly manner.
4. Meditate and do soul searching
The best way to end an argument is to find yourself first. Most of the time arguments are a consequence of our insecurity, dissatisfaction in life, tiredness, and misery. Happy partners don’t want to put their beloved one down. So if you feel you’ve been scrappy lately, it’s time for both of you to meditate, shift your focus from work to rest, and empty your full cup of emotions.
5. Spend some time apart
Sometimes couples quarrel so much just because they’re getting tired of shared territory. To recuperate, spend a day with your friends, plan a vacation just for you. Give yourself some time to miss your partner and see that when you are apart, nothing makes sense.
Having discussions and fights is inevitable in relationships. The only thing you can do to stand in the storm is know that it’s always darkest before the dawn. Hopefully, now you how to stop an argument, and next time you’ll be able to face it like a pro!
