How to Fix a One-Sided Relationship: 7 Steps to Success

22.12.2017

From the very beginning of a conscious life, a man starts building his own system of priorities idealizing certain events and phenomena. Bricks of his thinking are not taken from anywhere, they are put into children's heads by the caring parents and no less caring media, literature, and peers.

Different fates mean different thinking, different thinking means different ideals and aspirations. Sooner or later, a man finds love. Sometimes, it is mutual, sometimes, it is, unfortunately, one-way. This one-way love can develop into a one-sided relationship with a girlfriend.

What is a one-sided relationship and why it happens?

One-way love can be of three types. The first is a secret one when the object of affection doesn’t know about your feelings, and you are simply afraid to tell about your feelings not wanting to ruin your imagined fairy tale. The second is a voiced one when you tell about your feelings and get a refusal that causes resentment, bitterness, and even hatred, it is like a bucket of cold water. The third is the most insidious and malicious one when you tell about your feelings and get a positive reply because of pity or shame, and when the object of affection is timid and afraid to tell that she cannot return the love. What is a one-sided relationship? This is a relationship that is based on the third type of love.

A new relationship is an exciting experience, but you risk making the mistake of devoting yourself to it entirely, and you risk finding yourself being in a one-sided relationship.

In fact, love dazzles, and you can just sacrifice yourself to it. In the worst case, you will forever remain in this trap, and at best, soon, you will start resenting that all your efforts remain without reciprocity, and only you invest in the relationship to the fullest extent possible. This "one-way street" destroys everything that once was or seemed beautiful.

What are the main reasons for a one-sided relationship?

Some people like to give by nature without expecting anything in return: their intentions are originally pure. Other people prefer to take, doing it instinctively. If someone offers to take care of you, why not accept such an offer? When you disinterestedly give, your partner gets used only to getting without returning anything. So, you begin to sacrifice yourself, forgetting about your interests and preferences. You want to make your partner happy and joyful. In the end, your priorities will be replaced by hers, and you will find that you no longer have a vote in your couple. Can there be love in a one-sided relationship? Instead of love, such a relationship is based on the following things.

Dependence. Emotional dependence is a state that is extremely difficult to overcome because it is deeply rooted in childhood. A child who has been mistreated is forever dependent. In fact, when this child becomes an adult, they have no choice. They will necessarily have a relationship where they will again be mistreated because such treatment is the standard of love for them. The problem is that emotional dependence does not necessarily provoke excesses. In addition, our memory has the ability to displace everything bad. Therefore, if you cannot break up a one-sided relationship, you may need to talk to a specialist and look for reasons in your childhood.

Emotional immaturity. Emotional immaturity has nothing to do with age, but it is directly related to life experience. Everybody knows that early marriages end in divorce, in most cases. However, nobody knows what it takes for both spouses. Usually, the young partners stay in relationships for a long time just because they are not mature enough for a breakup. They should be mature enough to decide to be single. This is the same as to "jump into cold water" that must be done by everyone.

Low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem cannot easily break up the one-sided relationships because they are sure that they will not be able to have any relationship anymore. Nobody will want to be with them because they are so miserable. It is necessary to hold on to the partner who has condescended to such a pathetic nobody. Adequate self-esteem is a necessary condition for harmonious relationships. If it is inflated, deflated or too unstable, nothing will come out, and a painful one-sided relationship will continue to exist. It is important to understand that this can be corrected at any age.

10 signs you are in a one-sided relationship

A one-sided relationship is not the best idea for a couple. It is humiliating and hurts one of the partners. However, sometimes people can involve you in such a relationship, and you do not even notice that your world is completely rotates round a loved woman. How to understand that the woman is the center of your universe? There are several frightening signs you are in a one-sided relationship.

• You always call first. You don’t just call but also write messages on social networks and so on. In a word, sometimes, it even seems that if it were not for your initiative, your partner would have completely forgotten about your existence.
• She prefers to spend time with her friends. If you ask yourself, “Am I in a one-sided relationship?” because your partner spends much more time with friends than with you, the answer will be positive. You have another reason to think if there are other signs of a one-sided relationship.
• Your phone talks are very short. You are not on the phone for hours, and if she calls you, then something happens or there's a case. When you call, you have a feeling that you distract her from important things.
• Your partner is not interested in your life. You have several hobbies like to spend time with your dogs and go off on weekends to other cities. However, your partner knows nothing about your life because she is no interested in you.
• She doesn't want to hear that you don’t like something. You have already tried to discuss your relationship with her more than once, to say that you would like to change something. However, every time, she tries to change the subject.
• You are responsible for drawing up plans. You draw up and implement the plans that include endless checks of the schedule, in order to somehow add the date to it. Moreover, your partner is not interested in choosing a place or other type of activity. You are free to do anything. She just does not take part in anything.
• You are together, but you cannot rely on her. You always give her time because she is your priority. You are ready for everything for the sake of your partner. However, if you need her, she is nowhere to be found. This happens because she takes you for granted. It is one of the most obvious one-sided relationship signs.
• You do not want to spill a heart. Emotional intimacy comes from a sense of vulnerability in communicating with each other. If you feel that you share intimate details that become a leverage against you, then you cannot trust your partner. You do not have to be with someone with whom you don’t feel safe as well as with whom you cannot share something important.
• She would rather do something different than spending time with you. It's quite obvious that you cannot be together all the time. There is a life outside the relationship. However, you need to spend time with each other. How to tell if it’s a one-sided relationship? For example, if your partner makes you feel that the time spent with you is her duty.
• You must apologize for every little thing. She loves you when you are in your best shape. However, when you have bad times, she can push you out the door. You are forbidden to feel tired or simply offended in their presence. If you accidentally feel bad, you apologize for that. You shouldn’t put up with it, and no one should. This is just another one of the signs of one-sided relationships.

How to deal with a one-sided relationship: can it be fixed?

1. Recognition of the problem is the first step towards solving it. Do not think that you are unique and the only one who doesn’t know how to balance a one-sided relationship. Periodically, many people become hostages of their own relationships and are not able to take a deep breath. Sometimes, you really want to get rid of this oppression, to stop breaking your wings and finally, start living alone. How to deal with a one-sided relationship? First of all, find the strength to recognize the problem in order to move on.

2. Start writing a diary of your relationship. Describe your thoughts and feelings, record all important moments of your relationships, analyze them. Rereading it, you will understand what feelings you really have, identify behavioral patterns and emotional reactions to repetitive situations. Start giving advice to yourself from the position of a wise, experienced person. Prepare yourself for the fact that you have already grown up and have become a strong person who is able to live independently.

3. Make a decision. Of course, there are some signs that you have passed a milestone, and it's time to end the love story. Analyze your relationship, deal with yourself and your desires. And make a decision. The longer you turn to memories and think of the past, the further you push away the real prospects of a happy future. Besides, if everything was really smooth and perfect in your relationship, you would not be likely to read this article now, would you?

4. Do not delay: better now than later. The ideal moment for a breakup does not come, so, do not cherish the hope. In life, there is no suitable time for anything. If everything is really bad, then the sooner, the better.

5. Talk to real friends. In this difficult period, you need to find one-sided relationship help. Maybe, it makes sense to talk to several people because you will experience your situation every time you talk about it. It will be difficult for one person to listen to it for a long time. In addition, you have a chance to listen to several points of view. It will be easier for you if you are surrounded by people who are not indifferent to your life.

6. Do not try to be friends with your ex. Dealing with a one-sided relationship, remember that psychologists are convinced that intergender friendship without a love story is much better than one that can be built with the ex-partner.

7. Try to improve yourself. Work on yourself, try to find new, interesting activities. Start with improving your body, feel its strength and attractiveness. Physical activities, bike rides, gym and yoga classes will help you find harmony both with the soul and with the body. Understand your own wishes and separate your desires from the desires of the person with whom you want to break up the relationship. Start living your own life, become interesting for yourself, and this will help you become better and find a mutual love.