Tips on Dating Your Best Friend: How Not to Ruin a Relationship
21.11.2019
There are not so many situations when a man and a woman become best friends. And there are even fewer cases when they have romantic feelings for each other. That is why not many people know how to start dating a friend, but meanwhile, for some of them, this question may really be relevant.
Going from friendship to love is always difficult, especially if this friendship lasts for years. People start looking for men and women dating tips. But still nothing is impossible, and if you understand that you want to date your best friend, then everything depends on you. Don’t rush things but analyze what you really want and what you expect from potential relationships.
Is a Friend the Best Candidate for Romantic Relationships?
Let’s face it – we all have friends of the opposite sex with whom we wouldn’t mind dating. At first, you just have a good time together, but then you realize that you start falling in love with a person. Many people ask themselves, "Should I date my best friend?" thinking that these feelings are one-sided, and so on.
You think that since you are so good friends, you have a lot in common and it will be probably much easier for you to trust this particular person. Over time your meeting becomes the best event of the day, which at the same time, makes you happy and worry. It means that you are falling in love. You try to figure out if she is interested in you (or he) by any means. But don’t forget that the transition from friendship to deeper relationships may not always lead to the result you have expected. Yes, building relationships with a friend is sometimes very difficult.
If you decide to date your best friend, then forget about all your expectations about your dates. In any case, such changes will bring a little discomfort to your relations, so just be patient.
Pros of Dating Your Best Friend
Dating and relationships with new people are very exciting. But what if you have an affair with your best friend? Does it make sense to risk? Is this best friend relationship doomed to failure? We suggest considering the pros of a similar situation.
1. Common goals
People in love have the same plans and goals for the future. When a relationship becomes serious, lovers usually talk about their wishes, aspirations, and vision for the future. They also discuss such important things as roles of men and women in relationships, whether they want to marry and have a child, their religion, money issue, living conditions, and so on. When people are friends, their views on life coincide. Why not become a couple if you are perfect for each other?
2. Absolute honesty
Friends of the opposite sex can even tell the bitter truth simply because they have no desire to flatter. They like each other. And they don’t subconsciously compare themselves with other people. And so, even painful truth will not be met with resentment. For example, your partner will say, “People consider you strange. You have to behave differently” – if your soulmate says it, this phrase may sound ambiguous, right? But dating your best friend, you will definitely listen to this person and do your best to change.
3. Interdependence
Friends can also depend on each other (in the good sense of the word) and rely on each other as well, and yet, the lives of love partners are intertwined much more strongly. When relationships develop, lovers increasingly rely on each other and become attached. At the stage of acute love, they experience a romantic fusion – “I” and “you” turn into “we.”
4. Positive illusions
According to research, a very important indicator that friendship has a good prognosis is a distortion of the partner’s perception for the better. We are so in love that people seem to us more beautiful than they are. We usually see friends much more objectively. If you are fascinated by your best friend and consider this person an ideal in everything, then this is an occasion to think: haven’t you fallen in love with your best friend?
5. Responsibilities
Experts say that this is one of the most important factors that makes people more than friends. Just friends don’t want to spend all day together. But if a man and a woman feel attraction, they want to spend time with each other 24/7. And when you are dating your friend, you are ready to help and take responsibilities. It is very pleasant to know that all your efforts are mutual, and your friend is also ready to do everything for you.
Cons of Turning Your Friendship into a Relationship
Considering all the pros and cons of dating your best friend, it is clear that with all the bonuses of such a friendship, there are obvious difficulties that its participants will most likely face.
1. You know everything about their past relationships
Your friend probably knows about the skeletons in your closet, as well as you do. You and your friend are very knowledgeable about the details of all affairs, which makes both of you somewhat vulnerable and defenseless. But if you started dating a stranger, it would take time to learn something from his or her past. This frees you from the need to share some unpleasant moments from your life with your new partner.
2. You may lose both love and friendship
You have something to lose. You need to face it. After all, if your romance ends badly, then you are unlikely to be able to turn back the clock and restore your former friendship. Between you, there will be surely resentment and disappointment, which will not allow you to become friends again.
3. You may be disappointed
You will be lucky if you are compatible in everyday life from the very beginning. But this doesn’t always happen. It doesn’t matter how well you treat your friend. Friendships alone are not enough to get to know a person closely. Moreover, friendship can only complicate everything because you can be sure that you know your friend well until it turns out that this is not so.
Should I Date My Best Friend: a Quiz
In fact, there is one step from friendship to relationship. By and large (and psychological research) friendship is the same love (but minus the sexual component). Moreover, studies show that love relationships, in which a friendly element presents, have the most reliable long-term prognosis. So, what you should know when dating a friend?
Are you both single?
If you are both single, then we advise you to give yourself a chance. Don’t allow insecurity and doubt to prevent you from establishing a relationship that can grow into true love and last a lifetime. If you are attracted to a person, listen to your heart. Forget about what your future husband or wife should look like. We all need to free ourselves, only after that, we can write our own love story.
Do you feel comfortable with each other?
Your friends are the people who saw you in any condition, so now little can surprise them. They survived the best and the worst with you and then promised to keep everything secret and keep their word. Only one question remains: do you still think that a serious relationship with a friend is a bad idea?
Do you complete each other?
Am I in love with my best friend? Well, people who complement each other can create the best tandems. You and your soulmate shouldn’t be completely the same. If your strengths compensate for the weaknesses of your friend (and vice versa), then such a relationship is simply doomed to success. Let your loved one be absent-minded, but your organization will be enough for two. You must complement each other.
Do you feel affection when they are next to you?
If you are so attracted to each other, then why not date? Loving your best friend, you both feel attracted to each other. So, there is nothing wrong with kissing and hugging each other. Don’t be afraid of the reaction of others. They say that the friendship between a man and a woman can’t exist. After all, is it important to both of you what others think? The main thing is that you are happy!
Do they flirt with you?
Does my best friend like me? Does he or she flirt with you? Flirting is a good way of figuring out whether there is love between you. You can start, for example, with the help of choosing clothes for each other – you praise her beautiful legs in these shorts, and she will most likely say something about your new t-shirt. But it is important to pay attention to whether they flirt in response to you.
How often do they ask you to hang out?
Your friend plans parties. Are they interested in your plans for a specific day? Do they ask for permission to call and ask to go out to the cinema, cafe or simply offer to spend leisure time together? Thus, they show your importance, appreciates your opinion and personal time. With this approach, you can definitely start relationships and be together.
Tips for Dating a Friend
People always say that friends of the opposite sex are either exes or future lovers. Even if this is the truth, you have to know useful tips for dating your best friend.
1. Listen to yourself
And honestly answer whether you really feel love or just decided that dating your best friend is a convenient and affordable option. In the first case, you should definitely try to establish a romantic relationship, but in the second – not everything is so simple: you, of course, can wait until you “fall in love,” but isn’t it better to date a person who you really like?
2. Flirt
Try to recall whether you noticed hints of romantic feelings on their part. Did they consider you their friends or potential soulmates? Test your guesses in practice by resorting to flirting. If a friend flirts in response, and only with you (not with all friends), then this is a sign that you can move on to the next level of your “friendship.”
3. Ask to go out
If you saw your best friend answering your flirtation, your next step is a friend's date invitation. You can make it yourself in a form convenient for you. For example, you can go to the cinema. In the darkness of the cinema, you can feel more relaxed than in the light of day, and you can “accidentally” take a friend by the arm or shoulder, etc. The more “random” touches and looks will be there, the better.
4. Tell about your feelings
After just a few dates (if you and your friend liked them), you can try to talk openly and tell that you want to start dating. If your friend agrees, then it is done. If not, then you have to decide what to do with your friendship next. However, most likely, it will have to be stopped because, otherwise, you will suffer from unrequited love, and your friend will be tormented by guilt for not being able to respond to your feelings.
5. Don’t involve friends
Whatever the result of your attempt to establish a romantic relationship with your best friend is, try not to involve friends (especially mutual ones). In the case of a happy end, you can initially have a fragile relationship, and in the case of refusal, you will not have to explain anything and feel awkward.
Once you played in the same sandbox, then you sat at the same desk at school, visited each other, exchanged books and toys, walked together. You grew up but never considered your friend a potential soulmate. From childhood friends to lovers… well, sometimes it is even impossible to imagine. But sometimes it is necessary to look at people we know. What if it changes all your life?
